Marriage Monday

I received an email today from a blogger who I subscribe to, and each Monday the email is about marriage. Today's 'Marriage Monday' email was titled this: "Your spouse isn't the person you married." That kind of title catches your attention right away, doesn't it? Here is an excerpt from the book this blog was referring to:

"The person lying beside you in bed night after night, year after year, is not the same individual who stood with you at the altar on your wedding day. Everyone changes. Everyone's worldview evolves because we are thinking, emotional creatures. It's naive and foolish to believe that the views, opinions, and values held by you or the person you married were cast in concrete on your wedding day."

This is definetly something to stew over, and after thinking about it for awhile, I'd have to agree. I haven't been married for years and years, and gone through all of life's ups and downs, but I've been married long enough to know that I'm probably not the exact same person that stood in front of Jeff 4 years ago. I believe that each and every year we are married, we experience different events and emotions that bind to our ever-changing character. Of course, I haven't totally changed, but I bet that if you asked Jeff, he would tell you that I'm not the same girl who stood before him on our wedding day. Life changes you. I hope it has changed me for the better and will continue to do so, but there may be changes that he doesn't care for too. That's a part of learning to live as one with the marriage partner you chose. We were young. We were in love. And when you're young and in love, the world is full of endless possibilities. The eyes and hearts of dreamers, right? Time will inevitably change everyone, and I think we all do our best to stay true to ourselves. But maybe, just maybe, as time lapses by, we recognize new and changed things about ourselves. Ways that we've progressed, and ways that we've regressed.

The blog email goes on to say that in our marriages, we must weekly take the time to ask these two important questions:

1. What are you most worried about right now?
2. Is there any way I can help you with that concern?

I know Jeff and I don't ask these questions weekly, probably not even monthly. That's why I felt compelled to write this blog today. So if anyone else is out there wondering why the person they married seems a bit different today, maybe they can see that they're not alone, and that change isn't always such a bad thing. Marriage wouldn't last if we didn't flow with the changes.

"A wise spouse understands the critical importance of creating a scheduled and protected space on the calendar for the sole agenda of allowing the other person an opporunity to put into words what is currently incubating in the heart and mind."